There can be a great deal of shame in connection with sexual compulsivity. I see sexual longings as a thirst for wholeness and connection. I work holistically to allow for each individual to experience the dignity that arises from finding their own way to a sense of wholesomeness and intimacy in this area. Relief comes from freedom from obsession in this area, and the increased intimacy and vibrancy this brings to our relationships with ourselves and others is our birthright.
Together, we gently support new pathways and patterns to be found in the mind, and a new ease to be experienced in the body. We explore the past, acknowledging and honouring where parts of us began overworking, taking on their roles managing and controlling our lives, often with great effort and limited success, or else very effectively, but at the cost of our creativity, relationships and inner-peace.
These ways and means may be practical and have to do with our current everyday lives, and our daily relationship with sexuality in our relationships, and in the media, including the abundant availabilty of pornography, or they may be to do with the thoughts, sensations, physical feelings and emotions that arise in us as we interact with the world in general.
Every step of the way, I act as sometimes witness, guide and friend to you in your own creative healing journey of recovery, only ever acting from the understanding that your spiritual essence and wholeself already knows what you need to heal.
An integral part of the way I work is with the ‘Internal Family Systems’ model – see About IFS therapy for details. And please see The Center for Self Leadership for more details about the IFS method. The therapy we will do will also be a Mindfulness-centred approaches, which respect the body and mind in the here-and-now as a portal of inner-self-discovery.
What is this process NOT?
I believe that positive change only come about when a person is truly ready and that, if change does not occur right away, it is because the right conditions and support for change are not in place, rather than because of any failure or lack-of-ability to change. I am passionate about being part of a life package of support which can be just what is required to bring about the shifts that bring freedom from food-difficulties.
This process doesn’t require for you to become a more disciplined, self-controlled or stronger person when it comes to food, but simply requires a heartfelt surrender of ways of going about things, with food and in life, that haven’t been working, so that who you really are can shine through and light up the entire world.
Often what has been hidden beneath our obsessive thoughts and behaviours with food has been a sense of needing to push to prove ourselves worthy in the world. Therefore this process is careful never to become just another part of any misguided tendency we may have had to seek a perfection we secretly hope will finally bring us the love we feel is missing from our lives. This process helps us unfold within the knowledge that, though we will never be perfect, we can live a life free from the burden of our painful problem with food.
What does this process involve?
This process involves the setting up of a gentle yet powerful daily feedback system that will support you in bringing you increased awareness about the choices you have been making that have led you to feel so stuck in this area, and to gain spacious and compassinoate insight into the thinking behind these choices. Through this process, new choices can be made and it will feel effortless and natural to you, since it will arise out of a place of relaxing rather than forcing a particular result. Though I will guide you and make suggestions based on what you tell me, essentially, you will be the one in control of the pace and nature of this process.
As you go through your recovery, we will speak once a week, preferably either face-to-face in my clinic in Sheffield, U.K., or using a confidential video-platform to connect using technology, to go deeper into healing the underlying causes and conditions that have led to the troubled experience you have developed in this area of your life.